its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
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