I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
