he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Randomize
