So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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