Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
