His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
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