...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
