atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
