Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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