i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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