New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Randomize
