wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
It's just like the Real World with babies
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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