So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I think people are normalizing furries
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
