yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
