oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
