It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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