Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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