my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Randomize
