Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
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