Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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