he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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