Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Why are your pants in the freezer?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
