Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
