This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
