She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
