I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
