But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
