I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
