Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
