yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
