He had one of those small greek statue penises
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
