i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
