So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
