I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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