so that wasnt chicken after all
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
