woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
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