you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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