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I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
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