I wannas sexs uuuuu
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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