I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
