i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
