Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Randomize
