Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Did I show you my penis last night?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
