i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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