you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
