i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize
