My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
