Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
