I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
