I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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