He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Randomize
