I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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