Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
